SM can, and does, mean a lot of different things to different people. It may contain elements of fetishism (such as the leather, rubber, or uniform fetish - just to name a few) or bondage or role playing, or it may contain none of them. Just because someone says they're into SM, you shouldn't take it for granted that they are going to like the same things as you.
Let's start off by looking at SM and trying to figure out what it means. SM is short for Sadomasochism. Or, Sadism and Masochism. The words Sadism and Masochism were coined by psychiatrist Richard von Krafft-Ebbing in 1886, naming Sadism after the Marquis de Sade, who was known for his sexual practices with nonconsensual violence, and Masochism after Austrian writer Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, who often wrote masochistic themes in his novels.
Sadism
When someone hears about Sadism, the nonconsensual violent aspect is what people too often think. Such sadistic monsters, unfortunately, do exist. We see their victims on the nightly news and follow their court trials. They do not, however, find themselves welcome within the SM community.
A simple definition of a Sadist would have to read something like, "A Sadist is one who enjoys (or receives pleasure from) hurting others." Sadism would mean intentionally inflicting pain on another, or threatening to do that, for some form of sexual pleasure. This may range anywhere from the mild to the extreme. Something mild could be like gently biting your partner or slapping them during sexual play. The more extreme could be something like abduction, rape, or severe torture.
The key thing to remember is that within the confines of SM play, there is a golden rule - that of Safe, Sane, & Consensual. Take that to mean that if the Sadist's partner during SM play is not willing to participate in such an activity, chances are good that the Sadist isn't going to go there. A simpler way of saying this would be that the Sadist will not hurt his playmate in a way he does not wish to be hurt.
Paraphalia refers to getting sexual satisfaction from non-procreative sexual acts or objects. (Such as Leather, Feet, Uniforms, etc...) SM, obviously, falls into such a category. Does this mean that those who are into SM have any kind of mental disorders? Well, while mental disorders can happen to any group of people, just because you're into SM doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you.
According to the American Psychiatric Association, paraphalias are "intense sexual urges and sexually arousing fantasies involving either non-humans, or the suffering or humiliation of oneself or ones partner." However, they go further to state that such behaviors are significant only if it causes "significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning." According to the DSM-IV, a paraphalia "must be distinguished from the non-pathological use of sexual fantasies, behavior or objects as a stimulus for sexual excitement."One other difference between dysfunctional Sadism (or Masochism) and SM is the concept of adaptability. If one's sexual fantasies are adaptable; meaning that they can be altered to accommodate present situations, current partners (or, the lack thereof), and other environmental and psychological factors - this can be considered a normal, rational sexual experience. In other words ... SM is a perfectly normal expression of sexual functioning, as long as it doesn't impair your ability to do other things. What sets those of us into consensual SM apart from rapists, abusers, or serial killers is that we take into account (and respect) the limits and fantasies of our partners.
Masochism
The logical companion to Sadism is Masochism. While a Sadist will enjoy causing pain, a Masochist is one who finds pleasure in being hurt or humiliated. Between Sadism and Masochism, this is perhaps the hardest for the average person to understand. I mean, how can somebody enjoy something that hurts?
The answer to that question may follow any number of possible answers. For some, the psychological pleasure of the experience outweighs the physical pain. There is also an element like the old cliché says, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." Having endured physical pain or humiliation may cause some to have a greater sense of self-awareness, control, or even happiness.
Another major factor to consider is that of endorphins. Endorphins are a chemical the body produces in response to pain. Some people like to compare the "high" they get from endorphins to the kind of high one gets from heroin, stating that they are very similar. I have also heard people using the analogy of the painful loose tooth, the more your tongue plays with it, the better it starts to feel. Taking endorphins into consideration leads us into an area where the more pain there is, the more pleasurable the experience is. (Unfortunately, there are both truthful and untruthful elements in this statement.) It should be stated here that not every submissive, bottom, boy, slave, etc... will have this kind of a reaction to a painful experience. Different people will have different levels of pain-tolerance. For some, it will be very high, enabling them to withstand many hours of rigorous torture, while others may reach their threshold of pain quickly after much lighter activities.
The final thing we will consider here is that there seems to be both sadistic and masochistic tendencies found in human nature. (Weather or not these are sexual in nature is beside the point.) An example of a masochistic idea would be how we sometimes tend to beat ourselves up (figuratively) over mistakes we think we have made. Or, maybe how we like to scare ourselves by watching a horror movie, or riding on a rollar-coaster. A sadistic part of human nature may be the way we practice practical jokes on other people, or the way the winner of a game or sporting event will rub the fact that they are winners in the face of the losers. If we can accept that sadism and masochism are a normal part of human nature (to a certain degree) then the next logical step could be that sadism and masochism can be a normal part of our sexual natures as well.
TRUE MASTERS, true slaves..?
One thing one will probably hear from time to time is someone talking about True Masters or true slaves. What they are referring to is the notion that a true slave is one who lives as a slave 24/7 (24 hours a day, 7 days a week) ... a slave who lives in complete submission and surrender to his True Master.
To some, this type of SM relationship is the ultimate experience. They hold True Masters and their true slaves with such high esteem that it is easy for them to lose perspective on themselves. They may aspire to be a part of such a relationship (or, as close to that kind of relationship as they can get) simply because they believe (or have been told) that nothing else really matters. Simple logic says that if this type of relationship is the only True relationship, then all others have to be false. (And it is at this point where we really fall off the deep end.) Simply stated, a 24/7 MASTER/slave relationship is no less valid than the couple who occasionally tie each other up, or any other type of SM relationship. Anyone who tells you differently is flat out mistaken.
There are as many different types of SM relationships as there are people into them... On a whole, no type of relationship is any more or any less valid than any other. Some types of relationships may appeal to certain people more than others.
© 2004; Corky McGraw
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